Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
