So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
