On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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