haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
