sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
