I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
