Yo dont text me then not text me
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
