Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize