Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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