yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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