it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
