yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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