We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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