why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
