Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
