I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
