I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize