i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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