I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
