i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
