Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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