Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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