Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
