dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize