I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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