you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
we're so committed to being not committed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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