Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
...so i touched it.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
