So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
