I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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