It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
