All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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