im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
