I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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