I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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