He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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