Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
