I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I want her autograph on my taint
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
