I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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