We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
