Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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