a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
