and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
