3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You can't just leave with hair like that
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
