Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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