Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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