No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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