To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize