a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Pooping to opera.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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