Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
