Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He shit in the fireplace
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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