I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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