is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
