I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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