Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license

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(904): View more from Florida

I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.

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(707): View more from California

Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.

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(314): View more from Missouri

How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.

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(281): View more from Texas

I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.

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(217): View more from Illinois

I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.

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(775): View more from Nevada

The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that

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(518): View more from New York

I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.

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