Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
