they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
