I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize