i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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