what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
