Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
