I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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