Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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