I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
