I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
