i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize