Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
