we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
