Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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