Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
