there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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