our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
