You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
