12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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