Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
wakey wakey hands off snakey
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
