I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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