i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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