is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
