my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I want to be your penis for a week.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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