when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
