they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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