I seem to have left my pride at pride
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This is my life. Enjoy the view
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
