smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
