I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize