Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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