im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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