he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
