hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
