I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
