Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
